Sam pound stores

Today I went to Sam pound stores on Walworth Road.

I woke up this morning not quite in the mood to meditate, and I'm trying to meditate for 30 minutes first thing in the morning every day. After a brief and not quite resolved internal debate about whether going for a walk counts as meditating, I decided to go for a walk instead.

To make the walk more meditatey, I decided in advance to only decide in the moment where I would walk. I'd notice myself seeing where I was going, and formulating an intention of where to go next. When I noticed that, I'd let the intention go. Maybe I would go left, but maybe instead I'd go right instead, we'll see.

I walked right out of the house, and after a few steps turned round to head in the other direction. I found myself in an apartment courtyard, and then walking down Walworth Road. At some point I was singing Led Zepplin's Stairway to Heaven. I also picked up a few pebbles.

I saw Sam pound stores, and decided to investigate. It's unclear to me what makes something an instance of deciding in advance, and what makes it an instance of deciding in the moment. Anyway, this felt like an instance of deciding in the moment.

Once in Sam pound stotes I overheard a man on the phone. I can't remember the exact conversation, but here's the gist.

'.... fuck. ... fuck... fuck. fuck' The first few sentences, had a lot of fucks in them, I think at a rate of more than one per sentence.

And then 'Some cunt is always pissing me off at the moment.... not you'.

To someone in the shop 'You looking for me?', and then back to the phone 'Security is watching me'

'Everyone's fucking me off at the moment... not you.. they know about my situation. I'm looking after my mum. I've only got my mum at the moment, I haven't got anyone else.'

The conversation on the phone ended.

'You got any toilet paper? Arse paper?' To a shop attendant. And then later, again to a shop attendant. 'Hello you alright, hows it going. You got any of those four for 1 pound drinks?'

And finally at the checkout, to the woman who was also waiting in line. 'You alright love, after you... nah go on after you'.

Things I considered buying: A sewing set. Maybe I could start sewing. I could make my own clothes. There were probably around 10 different types of sewing set. A rubik's cube (but branded as something like 'puzzle cube'). A metal pencil case box with ruler, rubber, pencil, pencil sharpener and either a protractor or a compass included. Playdo (again, branded as something like squishy dough). Nail polish.

There were moments in Sam pound stores that I felt self conscious. In particular when looking at the nail polish and kids' toys section. As if someone would ask me why I was there, and I wouldn't have a good explanation.

There was another man in the kids' toys section, probably around 50 or so, who must have spent at least 3 minutes investigating one particular toy shelf. He didn't pay me much notice. In the end I settled on the following items:

I also bought a mars milkshake.

Spitting

I turned left out of the shop. A woman, around four foot five, fairly old, spat on the floor. It was a good one, kept together well. Whenever I spit I sort of spray with different bits going in different directions, often some ending up on my face.

She turned and seemed surprised to see me stood in front of her, looking at her. She bent forward a little towards me, and raised her arm a fraction, as if to put her hand on my arm. She said 'Oh sorry love' which reminded me of my gran.